Monday, 5 October 2009.

♥

Pressurized.

In the end I realised, I am only a friend. Nothing more. I know where I stand. If only I was the sibling, I would have gone an extra extra mile for her. Seriously. Keeping it to myself makes things worse. Not for her but for me. I'm falling sick too frequent that I myself felt fed-up. Why? Maybe because I've already took her as a sister rather than just a friend. And she has also done so much for me unknowingly. But does she know the pain that I'm in despite the smiles being given and shown every day? Does she knows about the tears that wanting to fall or to be shed every day upon seeing her face? No, I don't think so. Only Allah knows.

On the other hand, I'm trying to take care of the other party as well, I know how emotions can lead someone to. I am trying my best to make sure that the other party won't go out of hand. It's not that he can't take care of himself or whatever but I am just doing my part as a friend. I am willing to be the listening ear, punching bag, and whatsoever, as long as he himself didn't do anything stupid that can further hurt the wound he's in. But I'm glad that he has overcome it. I envy the strength he has to move on because I don't have them and I'm not sure whether I can have them. But hey, you're doing good. Keep it up okay. Go all the way to the top. I believe in it & I'll always be supporting. (:

And yes, it's hard being friends of both parties which you are in a position where you have to really think wisely on whom to side. But I know that I'm siding the right but I'm not ditching the wrong either despite the difference in the number of years knowing each parties. & I truly hope I won't be misunderstood.

Asking me to just stop and heck care would be easy. In fact, everybody's asking me to just don't care. But sorry to say, I can't. I may try to but not so soon. So forgive me if I'm just too emotionally involved. I am born like that. I'm praying things would be fine. On the other hand, to my readers, please pray for my strength. I'm in need of it.

Just one say, I am trying hard to make things right and better before I go so I really hope things will be fine before I am gone. So that I won't leave others to bear the pain. Pray for me. Please.

Goodbye.