Tuesday, 11 March 2008.

♥

lelaki yang cantik..
adalah lelaki yang mampu melahirkan
airmata untuk ingatan
adalah lelaki yang sedia menerima
teguran
adalah lelaki yang memberi madu
setelah menerima racun
adalah lelaki yang tenang dan lapang
dada
adalah lelaki yang baik sangka
adalah lelaki yang tak pernah putus asa

kecantikan lelaki berdiri di atas
kemuliaan hati
seluruh kecantikan yang ada pada
Muhammad yang Ummi,
adalah kecantikan yang sempurna
seorang lelaki..

kegagahan wanita
bukan pada pejal otot badan
tetapi pada kekuatan perasaan

perempuan yang gagah...
adalah perempuan yang tahan menerima
sebuah kehilangan
adalah perempuan yang tidak takut pada
kemiskinan
adalah perempuan yang tabah menanggung
kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan
adalah perempuan yang tidak meminta2
agar dipenuhi segala keinginan

kegagahan perempuan berdiri di atas
teguh iman,
seluruh kegagahan itu ada pada
Khadijah yang ehsan
adalah kegagahan sempurna bagi seorang
perempuan..



Something unexpected happen early in the morning. It was 5am, & I was sleeping soundly on the sofa. (that's my 2nd bed IF Dad'd not in S'pore) I was awaken by iQah's nagging. She was rubbing mama's back. I was blurr. (what do you expect iQah.. org baru bgn lahh~)
Then Mama was damn pale. She couldn't breath~ GAWD. I was panick! Ok, why must it be today~? DAD IS NOT HERE! I tried calling dad. No answer. no answer. no answer. I sat beside mama, holding her cold hands. Oh gawd. Then i said, "Mama siap skarang. Nurul anta gi hospital. skrg, skrg." But mama couldn't move much at that point of time. k, i have to admit, i'm lost without dad. But as the eldest, i have to do something. I was damn blurr at that point of time. my mind was blank. Really. As Mama entered the toilet to get ready, i ran to the phone, & dialled whatever number i can think of at that moment. & it was Dearest Friend. panick, crying, lost. DF told me anything just call, he'll come over.

But after sometime, Mama felt better. After solat sume, i get myself ready to send her to hospital ahh. Then there was a taxi in front of our house. Guess what? it's DAD! ouh gawd. Just the right time. But mama was ok already. I asked her to just go to the hospital. but she refused. haiz.. *geleng2 kpale* Mama siap2 nk gi course kat Zoo. Course esp for the teachers. Then uncle Julai came to send her. I tag along. Then he just drop us there. There, i sat with her, waiting for some of her friends to come. Then i make my way home.

k, not exactly home. To Nyai's house. (bkn merayap ehh) I am suppose to send nyai to her sister's (nyai mis) house today. At around almost 11am, we took a taxi. kat bedok north,dah tunaikan permintaan nyai sume. NYAI MIS DAH KURUS! Kurus sgt~ she must have been stressed up. then time nak balik, jumpe yai satiman (nyai's sister's husband) jap. dier tgh saket, tkboleh bgn dr katil. asek pekik2. keisan~ but amazingly, when i came in the room, he recognised me. he was lyk,"Nurul!" I was shocked! Yahh. Really shocked. He remembers me. Im VERY touched. I didnt expect him to remember me as he couldnt remember his own grandchildren. Terharu sgt~ then dier ckp, "Yai doakan Nurul berjaye. Periksa lulus. jd anak yg baik..." amien~
Nyai & me took the taxi home. Dalam taxi, nyai said i am very lucky. "bnyk org ingt Nurul. Mcm nyai Jirah, dah gitu2 pon, Nurul yg dier ingt. Mama pon dier tk knl. Nurul jgk. " Hmm~ yahh. thats what happen every raye wen we visited nyai Jirah. Yes, she is near to blind & eventually ingatan pon dah kurang. But everytime, i salam her, she'll sqiunt her eyes, hold my hand, smile & go, "Nurul kn?" terharunyer~
Hmm~ Then nyai ask me to blaja btol2, blaja tinggi, carik suami yg baik. Haiyaa~ I really dont like when nyai touched on this topic~! haha. She was like, carik yg same tinggi, tkmo pendek. All i could do was SMILE. (nyai niihh~~) ok2, dlm otak ade seseorg~ (only me & myself knows)

ah, ah, yg early in the morning, after everything was fine, we (DF & me) talked on the phone. sempat joke2 lgk~ "Kte amek Yaya ahh~" I was like, hahah. sempat~ "Imagine Yaya preschool. lepas tu kte amek dier, kte dukung dier bwk balek. kiutkn~" hahahahah. ader jekklahh satu manusia nihh. haa. & the another one, "leave nyai to me. biar kte anta." haha. very funny ehh~
Dearest Friend, thank you for everything~ maaf sbb kte kejot awk pg2. ganggu tido awk. & thank you for volunteering to come over~ thank you for keeping me calm. thank you very very much~ hearts ya~ & i am very happy for you that your parents agreed to your decision.


Despite the smiles throughout this whole day, hati maseh sedih~ yes. SEDIH.
Only me, myself & i know.
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah diriku untuk menempuhi segala kekecewaan yang ada untukku ini.

ALLAHU A'LAM.


p/s: it's 7:30pm.. & mama is still not home. *worried*





How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

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